common prayers

8 months and counting

2007-07-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

So it has been a while since I last updated. I unfortunately allow myself to get behind at times on meaningful things to take care of the necessary. Bad trait, even as it relates to the disciplines. I recently read a post on Monty Stewart's blog (a pastor buddy in Hawaii) with regards to the nature of exercise. I too despise the notion of exercise. I have friends who enjoy it, Jason @ The Shire and Che @ Cosmopolis, and are very committed to it. I, on the other hand, like to play. I like to play sports, ride bikes, swim, etc...I do not enjoy it for the reasons of exercise and health though. I enjoy it for the simple sake that I am a big kid and I like to have fun. I enjoy wrestling around with my boys and cannot wait until they are older so I can challenge then to games of one on one. Which ultimately means I had better not allow myself to go too far down hill physically or I will be losing badly to 7 and 8 year olds. But I digress, I do not like activity when it is labeled exercise. It carries a connotation of drudgery and oppression. Therefore, I avoid simple exercise. However, if I am challenged in a sport, or asked to take a hike, or some other form of communal activity involving persons that I enjoy spending time with then I am more apt to participate in healthy living.

Now this brings me to the point of my writing today. We often neglect many things in life because they seem difficult or tiresome. I am guilty of this at times as it relates to the spiritual disciplines. I know that I should read scripture, pray, journal, meditate, etc...but there are days that I just do not because it feels to tiresome and oppressive to me. However I end up coming to a place of unavoidable dryness and longing that brings me back to the disciplines is a way that is refreshing and needed. I do not see it as tiresome and oppressive but necessary and exciting. I am not advocating ignoring the disciplines for this reason, I am merely pointing out a shortcoming in my life.

I see this happening at times with the church also. So many folks come on Sundays and allow this to be the sole time they associate themselves with the community. I have preached a series of messages for the last 6 weeks on the characteristics of Christian Community and the necessity of giving ourselves to the striving of living in such a way. Most folks will nod their heads in agreement then walk out the door and not allow themselves to be encountered by community again until the following Sunday. Consequently there are times of dryness and longing that happen and suddenly they desire more interaction and wonder why no one has called them or came to see them. Living life within a community requires us to be intentional and authentic with one another. If we do not give ourselves over to such a life then we miss out on the joy of being united with others of faith in the pursuit of the Kingdom. I have been intentionally getting the folks of my church interacting with one anther outside the church walls. Sunday nights in the park and fellowship in homes has been the order of the day for us lately. It has it benefits but people will be people and therefore complain. to live intentionally in community takes a little more effort but the joy outweighs the sacrifice. These pictures are of our 4th of July fun night. Afterall, community is a little more fun when you get to play with fire. God bless.

Six months down...

2007-05-21T23:27:00.002-05:00

I have now completed six months of pastoral care for the Butler Church of the Nazarene. I am often asked in some way to quantify what has happened in that time. I am not sure that I can. I am not sure that I want to. Each year, pastors in the Nazarene Church (as in other denominational systems) are asked to complete year end reports and submit them to their district leadership as an index of what has happened in the life of that church. Most of these reports deal with attendance numbers, financial information, etc...Numbers that in truth do not even come close to describing what has gone on that church spiritually for the past year. As a matter of fact, the numbers that are supposed to tell the tale (membership and baptism) fail to scratch the surface of the work that goes on in each parish.

I sit here tonight, thinking about the past half year and wondering how I would describe spiritually this time frame. The truth is that I am not going to try. Many pastors I know think of their time spent in ministry in terms of accomplishments. They speak about achievements such as buildings built, financial increase, membership increase, and what not. I fear that we miss out on the real work of the spiritual life that we have an opportunity to participate in each and every day when we only focus on the accomplishment rather than the time invested. These yearly reports do not give us opportunity to delinate the time spent with persons battling crippling addictions, asking difficult spiritual questions so as to understand one more aspect of the mystery, standing with a brother in Christ as he stands over a loved one in a hospital bed wondering if they can hear his words, and speaking words of hope to persons who simply want a break in life. These are the daily tasks of ministry that have no sense of accomplishment, no achievement, no finality. These are the moments that fill the time spent with a community of faith that cannot be quantified. I wander how we can report that?

I reject the notion that my ministry can be quantified. I reject the notion that the time invested in the lives of others can be listed on a piece of paper in terms of finances, attendance and awards. I am blessed to serve the servants of Christ in Butler, MO. I live life with them, I preach to them, I care for them, I share my family with them, and I prayerfully act as a guide to them. I am not bitter at the task of reporting. I am simply wanting to speak into the void a word of confident assurance that my time is well spent. Maybe my reports will somehow reflect this truth as well. We shall see. In the mean time I will simply share my life, my family and my love with the community that I believe God has led me to. I will continue to grow here personally and spiritually and prayerfully bring others along with me. In any case, I still have the cutest kids in the world. God bless.

Life and Blogging and Relationships

2007-05-11T08:56:00.000-05:00

I have to say, I do appreciate those of you who have asked me to update my blog. Life has most definately gotten away from me. I looked at the blog and realized that it has been since January that I have submitted anything. That is too long. The simple truth is that when you get so far behind and do not know where to start then it is easier not to even try--I suppose that could be analogous to about anything that requires continual maintenance. Marriage for instance is a continual maintenance job. We do the necessary things each day that help keep that relationship strong. When we fail to cultivate such things then relationship deteriorate. My wife and I work hard on our marriage and I believe that it is strong due to our persistence and God's love. I know it is strong because I asked her last night--go to the source if you need the answer. The same can be said of our Spiritual lives. Particularly as it relates to Christianity. We exist not in a religious state but in a consistent relationship with the God of all creation that requires maintenance. The same as human relationship deteriorate without care, so does our relationship with God. If we do not do the necessary, then we find that we have gone weeks and months without having had communication with The Source and therefore are lacking. I choose to tell my wife that I love her daily so that she will know it. I choose to help around the house, care for the boys, do little nice things for her without any prompting--why, because I want to keep this valuable relationship strong. The same is true of my relationship with God. I have to take time to pray, to study, to share, to love others, to proclaim--so that my connection to God will remain constant.

Why am I saying all this? Well I have been reminded recently of the alternative. I have seen the neglect and I realize that continual maintanence is the way to remain secure. My job as a pastor is a constant reminder of this fact. I mourn the death of faith, relationships, and trust. I can see how failure to do the necessary is the culprit and we each and every one have to do what it takes to care for our relationships--both with God and man.

I will try to keep up better now. I will try to share my life a little more regularly. Please forgive me friends and let's continue the journey together. God bless.

Let it Snow!

2007-01-31T20:37:00.000-06:00

Typically I would just now be getting home on a Wednesday evening. When I was a youth pastor this was nothing new and I was used to getting home at 9pm or later on most hump days. Since shifting roles I thought that my Wednesday nights would not be as hectic. However I was mistaken and I am usually not home until 8:30 or 9:00 pm just as it had been. However tonight I never left the house. I arrived home at 4:30 pm and have not left to go back to church. I was forced to cancel our Wednesday night activities due to about 5 inches of snow that fell today (as opposed to the 1-2 inches that were forecast). This has been quite a winter here in western Missouri, one unlike many folks here remember in years past. Snow and ice have been the norm since the middle of December and now we add bitter arctic air to the mix. I have had to experience several "firsts" since assuming the role of Lead Pastor. Most of these "firsts" have consisted of administration issues but the one that bothered me the most was the first Sunday (January 21st) that I had to cancel morning worship services. Now I have to admit that as an associate I usually did not get too upset if services had to be canceled for a Sunday. I typically saw it as an opportunity to sleep in an enjoy a day of legitimate rest. However I found myself feeling lost, empty, and without purpose (other than the quality time spent with my family) as I sat at the house. I was ready to lead my people in worship and to preach the gospel but I was prohibited from doing that. I had never felt that before. I have never had this deep sense of responsibility that I carry now. This is not to say that I did not feel responsible as a pastor when I was an associate. I had a deep sense of responsibility for my teens. However Sunday was not the day that I was given the platform to lead them in worship and proclamation. We sat under the guidance of another on Sunday. My day for that was Wednesday and I took that evening very seriously as it was my opportunity to be lead my group as a whole through worship and the word. Now I am the leader of the church as a whole. Sunday is my day to lead my people in worship and to prayerfully proclaim to them the word of our Lord. I found myself second guessing my decision to cancel all Sunday morning. In truth it would have been a very poorly attended service and some would have came out to worship out of obedience and put themselves in jeopardy to do so. I missed my time with my people. I missed my time to share with them and to worship with them. In short, I missed my people. That is a good feeling for a pastor to have. It means that I genuinely enjoy my time with them and I truly am loving them as I should. I am not as saddened tonight. I am charged right now with leading the children's program and teaching my adult leaders how to to this. It takes more out of me to do this and truthfully I needed the break tonight. I am certain that I will experience many more firsts in my time here. Some of them will hurt and others will be joyful. I am pleased though that my love for my people is growing. I praise God for this "good fit" that He has helped to create between myself and those I am given charge over to love and journey with. I leave you with a blessing: "May God grant you the peace to live faithfully in the land in which you journey." Grace and Peace.

Johnny's Back

2007-01-19T09:14:00.000-06:00

Hello faithful travellers on the road of life; I am back. I apologize for laying low for such a long time. My only excuse is that I switched over to the new beta version of blogger and it wiped out some of my settings and having the unfortunate disposition of occassional laziness I scraped blogging for a while. However, like anyone who likes to write it has called back to me and now I have returned to the world of screens and words. Please forgive my laziness if you have been waiting anxiously for me to post another amazing photo of my awesome boys or write some witty quip from our life. I am now planning to be prompt again in my blogging and to ever update my sites, books, and such on my blog. Ok, with all of that explanation said and done I will get on with the point of my post today--aging. I am now 33. I hit this record milestone yesterday (January 18th) and now I have reached the age of enlightenment. Ok, that really is not true but age does tend to cause one to stop and pause for reflection on life and all of its mysteries. As I told my Pop yesterday when he asked me to enlighten him on all the new knowledge that I have acquired with this new year of age, "I need to stop and debrief so that I can fully assimilate all that I have come to know in this world now." I am now the age of crucifixion so I pray that this little fact does not indicate hardship, frustration and turmoil this year. However if it happened to our Lord then why not me? However, I do need to stop and think about a few things that I am thankful for. I am thankful for my wife: she continues to journey through life with me and doesn't complain too much about socks on the floor or my complete inability to find anything the first time I look. I am thankful for my boys: they have an uncanny way of filling my life with the just the right amount of joy and complete insanity. I am thankful for my church: I now serve a wonderful group of poeple who are forgiving, loving and willing to learn from a green pastor. I am thankful for my growing relationship with God: each day I am privileged to carry on relationship with the God of all creation inspite of my unworthiness. He calls me to His table and offers me a seat. He forgives my shortcomings and teaches me to be better. He pursues me when I am distant, He leads me into the best possibilities of life. In short, I am continually in awe of the God who allows me to work with Him to bring about His good will in the world. In the coming days I will post more devotional and homiletic thoughts as part of my blogging. I am glad to be writing again. May you experience God's grace today in prrofound and intimate ways.

"My Son is Sleeping With Your Daughter" and other happenings...

2006-11-27T21:46:00.000-06:00

I suppose tonight I am simply writing to write. I have not updated or spilled my guts in a while on any given subject so I am feeling a bit guilty. Life has become a bit more busy as of late. I have gone from the camaraderie of 3 other pastor's to share my thoughts and ministry ideas with to talking to myself while I sit in my office contemplating the state of my church. I find myself talking to God more these days as well. If nothing else I have been practicing living in the companionship of the Holy Spirit more as of late. Being the new guy, I was asked--they said given the opportunity to make it sound more palatable--to be the speaker at the Community Thanksgiving Service sponsored by the local ministerial alliance. I found myself saying yes before I had even had time to think one solid thought on the subject. I am eager to make acquaintences and get involved in the community afterall since now I am looked upon as a spiritual leader in Butler. As I was studying the lectionary passages for Thanksgiving I began to find myself moving in a direction that I did not know if I was ready to preach yet in this new setting. I do not know the community or its people and most of the time in a setting like this you preach a quaint message of gratefulness to God and leave it at that. I however began to find myself moving more into the realm of Theodicy and Open Theism as I prepared. I did not plan to but, as I prayed and studied and wrote that is how it came out. After all was said and done and I looked at the sermon that I just completed a wave of concern flowed over me. "Perhaps this is too much for a community (ecumenical) MA service and I should tone it down a bit" was the first thought that came to mind. I prayed again and decided not to change anything. I went home and allowed Brenda to read it. She looked up after finishing and said it was good and then added, "but". Whenever there is a "but" you immediately have that shock come over you and the sinking feeling that you now had no time to work on something new and you are stuck. Her comment was the same as my initial thought, "it might be too much for a service of this type." I contemplated pulling something out from the archive; you know, that trusty list of prior sermons you have written that you are certain will have something for just this occassion. Brenda and I both agreed that I should simply stick with what I had already written since I had spent time in study and contemplation prior. So I went to the service at the local RLDS church (also known as the Community of Christ) and waited my turn to step up and proclaim the Word of God to those who assembled. There were about 15-20 of my own congregation there which did bring me some satisfaction and when all the singing ended--a local Assemblies of God pastor organized the service so there was a good bit of singing and music--I stepped up, introduced myself and opened the scriptures. I preached for about 20-25 minutes and then sat down. I felt the presence of God throughout the process and that wonderful calm that comes from knowing you have done and said the right thing for the moment. After the service there were the complementary "good sermon" and "wonderful job" but there were also some very heartfelt words of appreciation that carried with them a sense of sincerity and gratitude. I received several calls that night from members of my congregation expressing their pride in their pastor for his contribution to the night. I appreciated the warm words from my people. They are my sheep and I am grateful that they are willing to follow me. My time in Butler has been good thus far. It has had its moments of frustration and doubt but all-in-all I continue to believe that we are right where we should be. One quick humorous comment and then I will end. My son, Joshua, has made a new friend. Her name is Mikayla and she is 4. He seems to have developed a bit of a crush on her and regularly talks about her being right there with him, almost like an imaginary friend. The other night we were tucking him in; going through the regular activities that we have developed with him. He then proudly proclaims to us that Mikayla is in his bed sleeping with him. I looked at Brenda and immediately said, "we cannot tell her dad that our son is sleeping with his daughter". I suppose the humorous part for me is that her father is one of my board members. Oh the scandal! Grace and Peace.

New Kid in Town

2006-11-12T21:52:00.000-06:00

I feel a need to once again apologize to anyone who has been waiting with baited breath to see what I will write next. I have been a bit out of the loop lately. We have just completed our second week in a new locale with new faces, a new job, and a new church to get used to. I am the new Lead Pastor of the Butler Church of the Nazarene in Butler, Mo. The transition has been a bit tougher than I anticipated. I find myself still thinking like a youth pastor. Now before my fellow youth pastors chastise me for this remark let me explain what I mean. Residing now as the Lead Pastor of a congregation means that I am responsible for a congregation as a whole. They are all my flock and I am learning to love them. However, I catch myself watching the teens and wanting to join in all the time. The teen group here in Butler is considerably smaller than the one that I am used to leading. They are young and can be a bit immature at times but I am also getting to know and love them. I find myself thinking more of how to deal with the children and youth than I do the church as a whole. I am sure that this will improve with time but for now I am on the learning curve. My wife and kids are doing well. The boys have adjusted to the move and seem to be getting settled in. Brenda seems to enjoy herself here but she needs to get out of the house. She is not used to staying home with the boys and she enjoys working also. I pray that we can find a way to secure childcare and help her find her fulfillment in a job. All in all God has blessed us and we are enjoying our new home. I will write more later but I just needed to update. Grace and peace.

Interesting Article

2006-10-16T11:19:00.000-05:00

I came across this article on Sojourners and found it to be quite compelling. Give me your thoughts. Obviously there is heightened violence and death due to the ongoing struggle in Iraq. I have felt that we have been asking the wrong questions for quite sometime with regards to our presence in the area. The US goal is to bring democracy--or so we are told. The numbers given for deaths and casualties by our government are primarily only for US troops but we as christians should be concerned about human life regardless of nationality or belief. There is great loss of life happening and America seems to appreciate it and even worse, invite it. I invite your thoughts on this short article and full report that it links to. Grace and Peace

http://www.beliefnet.com/blogs/godspolitics/2006/10/jim-wallis-killing-must-stop.html

Excitement and Apologies

2006-10-16T09:45:00.000-05:00

First let me say that I am sorry for the delay in updating my little slice of the internet here. I actually have sat down on more than one occassion with the intention of writing but then something more important comes across my desk and demands my attention. I have however carved out this segment of time (until something else interferes) to let all my wonderful friends know the happenings of the days of my life. It is monday morning and I know have only two weeks until I pull out of Guymon with my family in tow and head back to the state of Missouri for my first lead pastor position. It is a little bitter-sweet as I will miss this land of pig air, sand and wonderful people. I will not miss the constant wind or the odd temperature extremes or the rancid smell of livestock in the air. I will miss the amazing church that I have grown to love and call family. My wife and I have many memories in this town; memories that will tie us here for the remainder of our lives. But it is time to leave and honestly with great excitement and anticipation we are preparing for our eventual move. We have a nice contract on our house and that eases our minds just a bit. We have gotten rid of some things that would be dead weight and that was a necessary task. We are nearing the end of saying our goodbyes which will not come soon enough. I dispise the goodbye process. Some folks only want to talk with you about that one thing. Persons that you seemed to never have a lack of converation theme with now can only think of one thing to bring up. It makes the process that much more difficult. But enough of that...on to a story...
This past weekend I actually began part of my responsibilities as the lead pastor of the Butler Church of the Nazarene. Brenda and I pulled out of Guymon at 9:30 pm on Wednesday and drove to Pratt, KS to stay the night. We then continued on to Butler via KC to pick up our niece Suzy so that she could see Butler and spend some time with the boys whom she loves. One small problem, Joshua got sick. Now am not talking about car sick, I mean he got SICK. He woke up from a nap as we pulled in to KC and where he was happy and jovial and well just two hours earlier, he now had a barking cough and was wheezing. Our son is generally a very happy kid but when he is sick he just wants to be held. Not conducive to a trip to the new church. But to our surprise, once we arrived he perked up a bit and played with everyone and had a good time. I took part in two board meetings (Church board and Sunday School board) which all told lasted about 3 hours. It was nice as I was able to do a bit of vision casting, encouraging, and planning the folks that I will be leading full time in a couple of weeks. We were given a place to stay with an elderly lady in the church who has a private basement. It was like a seperate house and had so much room. We were very grateful. Joshua lay down with Suzy to go to sleep. Somewhere around 4am though he woke up disoriented, stumbling around calling for us and burning up with a fever. We got to him, stripped him down so he could cool off and lay him in bed with Brenda as I ventured out to find somewhere that I could get him some tylenol to help with the fever (J-Dunn you have so many great things to look forward to). I returned about 5am with the meds and we got Joshua resting comfortably. Needless to say we did not get much rest that night. When we did drag ourselves out of bed--due to Benjamin's crying for a bottle--we heard that Joshua's breathing was pretty raspy and labored so I called around and we got him an appointment at a local clinic figuring he probably had an upper repiratory infection as has had in the past. We took him in, got him checked (he did a great job, better than he ever has at the doctors before) by a great nurse practitioner, and were on our way with prescriptions to be filled. We went about our day showing boys our new house which Joshua seemed to love due to it spaciousness. Benjamin is out go with the flow kid--give him a toy and some attention and he is happy wherever. We left Butler and went back to KC to take home Suzy and spend some time with the family. We left KC at 8pm on our way to Wichita. Joshua slept well until about Wichita where he woke up scared because he could not cough up the congestion in his lungs, unsure of where he was and just needing some TLC. We checked into a motel and got the boys to bed. Neither of us got much sleep due to Joshua's heavy breathing and our natural concerns as parents. There was a lot of prayer that went up on his behalf Friday night. Needless to say after two nights of little sleep Brenda and I were tired. Joshua woke feeling some better and we had a good ride home. The boys played hard and went to bed. Brenda is now sick and needs the TLC so she got to stay home Sunday and rest while I took the boys to church and had to preach. All in all things are good but we have an exhausting two weeks ahead of us. Lord help us to have the strength to make it each day and accomplish all that we have to get done in preparation for our move. Grace and Peace.

Out with the Old...

2006-09-29T15:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was an amazingly busy day. The day begins with my realization that I am getting sick. Like most sicknesses it has it onset symptoms--this time it is a scratchy throat. Now it is important to understand that is not a good day for sickness, there is far too much to get accomplished. At 9am Brenda and I were to meet with the realtors to begin the sale process on our house. That went very smoothly and they gave us some very helpful suggestions on how to spruce up the joint to attract more buyers. We then went out to Walmart and purchased about $150 worth of landscaping supplies, plants, and whatnot. We returned home and immediately began to clear out the garage in preparation for a garage sale that we are having in conjunction with some friends on Saturday. We completely emptied out the garage by noon and my sickness had began to kick into full effect and sapped me of my strength. So we took a break and went out for lunch (while all of our stuff sat in the driveway--living in a small town does have its advantages) in hopes that it would revive me a bit. We returned and got back to work but I continued to feel sluggish and such so I crawled up into the car and took a quick nap while Brenda talked with the neighbors. I awoke to the sounds of voices and realized I the topic of conversation so I thought I would join them in talking about me. We chatted a while and then Bren and I got back to the grind. The phone rang and it was our realtor letting us know after only 6 1/2 hours on the market there was a family that wanted to look at our house. This came as quite a surprise to us and essentially we had 1 hour to get the house ready to be looked at. We switched into high gear, threw things back into the garage in the most orderly way that we could, potted plants, spread mulch, and cleaned up the kitchen. It was an amazing fete. We then vacated our house so that strangers could come in and essentially evaluate the way that we have chosen to live for the last 5 years. Since it was so close to 5 decided to go and get the boys and then return home. As we pulled back onto our street we noticed a minivan that had just parked in front of our house and some folks were checking things out. We were surprised and so we checked out cell phone which had been turned off by mistake and sure enough there was a message from our realtor that a second buyer was interested in looking at our little stake of land. So we circled the block a few times, stalking our own house until we saw the intruders leave and then we commenced life as usual. All in all it was an interesting day but one that I am glad is over. However, it has gotten me to thinking, how often over the course of the next month is my life going to put on hold for the interests of another (specifically the interest of another in buying my house)? As a pastor I am used to many times placing the interests of others over that of my own but this is different. This is new ground for me to be trodding. I am not doing this for the sake of benefiting another spiritually, I am putting myself out in hopes of personal gain. It seems quite trivial but something I suppose I will be forced to live with. May God bless this time of new experience and give me peace to say "no problem" each time I am asked to vacate my house for the sake of another. By the way, the picture of Benjamin has nothing to due with the day. He is just too cute. Grace and Peace.

"The Bridge"

2006-09-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I watched a Live Action Short that grabbed my attention and has had me thinking about my own willingness to sacrifice for the good of others. "Most" has been nominated or won many awards including:

Academy Awards 2004: Nominated for Best Live-Action Short ~ MOST (The Bridge)Sundance Film Festival 2003: Official SelectionPalm Springs International 2003: Winner ~ Best of FestivalMaui Film Festival 2003: Winner ~ Best Short Film; Audience Award ~ Best NewcomersHeartland Film Festival 2003: Winner ~ Crystal Heart Award

Most is the Czech word for the Bridge and is a fantastic film. It is shot almost entirely in the Czech language with some minor english parts therefore the film is subtitled for the Czech language impaired like myself.

This film portrays a beautiful relationship between a single father and his son (about 8 or 9 years old). This relationship is one of mutual love and respect. they have learned to rely on one another and their lives are intricately intertwined. The father is a draw bridge operator and his son asks him one night if he can come to work with him. The father says yes and picks him up from school the next day with all the necessary items his son would need to stay occupied while at the bridge. There is another player in this drama as well. A young Czech woman, desperate and living a hopeless life. We see a scene where her sister begs her to come home and comments how she is not the same person she used to be. She refuses and goes on her way to later board a train bound for some uncertain destination. We later see the reason for the change in her is the result of drug use.

The day is going well. The boy is fishing and the father is going about his work occassionally checking on his son and enjoying the sight of him working hard to cast the line just right. The father goes off to another area to check some of the equipment when the boy notices that the train is coming far to early and the bridge is up having made way for a passing barge. Calling loudly to his father he is unable to get his attention and determines that he himself will lower the bridge to avoid the impending disaster. The father then notices the train approaching and first looks for his son who was going t help him lower the bridge. Suddenly he notices his son fall into the gear assembly that raises and lowers the bridge. Unable to reach both his son to get him out and lower the bridge in time to avoid the collision, he makes a fateful choice and begins to lower the bridge. He runs down to the rail line just in time to watch the faces of those who were on the train pass by. As each car passes he looks at the faces that pass almost to say, "Do you not know what was just done for you." In agony he weeps uncontrollably but noone notices save one--the desperate young woman. She was the only one who saw the man and the act that saved the train. In this scene she was about to shoot drugs into her body but having witnessed such an act she drops the poison presumably never to use again.

Later we see the man carrying his dead son down the tracks still in dispair clinging to him tightly. He leaves that town to begin a new life elsewhere believing that he will learn something from this journey. Later while in this new town he sees that same young woman from the train window only now she is clean, happy and holding a young child of her own. The little one looks at the man and smiles as does the woman. Joy comes to the once distraught father and he sees the result of his sacrifice. The film ends with the man holding his hands high in the air as he comes to believe that his son did not die needlessly.

"What will it take to change a life?" is the question on the website of this film short. We see a glimpse of the extent to which our God was willing to go to save the lives of his creation. The sacrifice of the incarnation was made on our behalf for our salvation. I attempted to place myself in that father's shoes; would I sacifice my son to save the lives of so many others. I cannot say that my choice would have been the same given I have never faced such a trial. I adore my boys and seek to love them with the same unfailing love as God. I would like to say that my actions would be the same. I would like to say that love for God and love for others would compel me to act unselfishly toward those who would perish even if it meant the loss of someone I love so dearly. I would like to say it, but I would not want to throw words around carelessly. This love is one that is demonstrated only in the doing, not with mere words. I pray I would act so selflessly towards the world. This is my journey ultimately, to have the same attitude, love and servant nature as Christ. I pray I am never confronted with such a choice. Praise God for his loving mercy and grace towards us. I would commend this 33 minute film short to you for your own consideration. Grace and Peace.

One Hard Night

2006-09-15T09:20:00.000-05:00

Now for those of you who have been waiting with anxious anticipation for me to update; this one is for you. I have intentionally waited to blog due to my preoccupation with the current events of my life and ministry and I simply thought that it would be best to wait until I could write about what has been going on. Brenda and I are leaving Guymon. Our Journey with the youth of Poured Out Ministries is coming to an end. November the 5th will be our first official Sunday as the senior pastor of the Butler Church of the Nazarene in Butler, MO. We are headin back to the "Show Me" state. We are very excited about the opportunity that we have to help shape a community of faith using the gifts that God has blessed us with. The Holy Spirit has been very real to me in making this decision and I believe that I am ready for the transition in pastoral role.

Now this leads me to the main thrust of my post today. Wednesday night I told the youth that I would no longer be their youth pastor after October 29th. I was most definately not looking forward to this night. Not just because of the crying faces that I knew were inevitable but also I knew that it would present a challenge that I had not yet faced. Leaving a place because you are going back to school or because your senior pastor resigned is difficult but people understand. Telling teens that you are leaving because you feel God is leading you ministerially in a new direction is difficult to explain to them. You want them to realize that God's leading is not just for good in our lives but theirs as well. You want them to believe that God will lead the church to make decisions for their best good as well. Unfortunately they usually do not see this right off. They only see someone whom they have counted on for the last 5 years of their lives leaving them. They do not think they have room in their hearts or lives for another pastor. They may even think that noone could love them more and pastor them better than I. I spent a good deal of time talking with several of them after the service and I am certain the talks will continue until the day we depart.

Inspite of all the pain it is still a blessing to feel the peace of God during this process. I preached to the youth this night from I Thessalonians 2:17-20. Paul is speaking to the church at Thessalonica and he is singing their praises. His pride in them is great and he calls them his "proud reward and crown" and later his "pride and joy". I could think of no better scripture to proclaim to my teens on this night than this--"You are my Pride and Joy". I recounted so many times that they have demonstrated how amazing they are and the growth in grace that is apparant in so many of their lives. I told them of the number of times that I proudly proclaimed that I am the youth pastor of the best kids in the denomination. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to lead them. One of my teens (one of our student leaders whom I have a great deal of faith in) said to me, "John you have been huge in my life." I choose to believe that he was not speaking about my physical girth but was commenting on the consistent time that I have spent investing in him. Those are the moments that bring all the days of ministry into perspective. It is my job to be present in all the days of their lives as constant visual reminder of the spiritual reality that God is always with them. If I am successful in this then they look back and see the constant physical presence of Christ who has been with them each step in their journey. It has been my joy to be their shepherd. I thank God for the grace that this ministry has consistently been to me. I look forward to the days ahead.

My prayer today Lord is that you would grant peace to the youth I love and that your presence will continue to be with them as they look for answers and comfort during this time of transition. Grace and Peace.

We Shall Call Him Creepy!

2006-08-29T11:47:00.000-05:00

My mom talks about the iron will that I have always had. She said that it first manifest itself during childhood when I would literally have to see the "white of my mom's eyes" before I would comply with their wished. Even then it was not guaranteed that I would comply in the manner and method that they had hoped. I was stubborn, defiant and strong willed. I wanted my way and did not want to be bothered by the wants of the lowly peasants known as my parents it would seem. My mom recalls an instance where I did not want the rest of a piece of cheese that I was eating and so I threw it on the floor at my mamaws house (that would be my grandmother for those of you who not speak my familial language). I was then told to pick it up and throw it away but to my parents amazement I said "NO". I refused and come hell or high water I was not going to retrieve that which I had already discarded. Obviously this necessitated some sort of punishment and as was my parents and grandparents way I was to receive a "whoopin". Now to most kids of 4 or 5 this might seem like a huge deterant but for me it only steeled my will even more. After several separate "whoopins" and far too much time spent on such a small piece of discarded food, my mamaw and parents gave up and threw away the cheese themselves. "I WIN!!!"

Now let me fast forward to the present. I have two boys whom I love dearly. They offer my life the joy of unpredictability--however my wife did that well enough on her own without us adding two others to the mix. My son Joshua is a pistol. He is full of energy and lot of fun. He loves to spend time with his daddy too which I love very much. However I believe that I am realizing now something I had on capacity to realize when I was 5 and won the battle of wills with my parents--I have passed that trait on to my boy. Joshua can be stubborn, defiant and stiff-necked just like I was (and probably still am). Just the other night my wife was finishing the tucking in process after I had already sang songs and prayed with him. She will stay behind and sing one more song with him and then kiss him goodnight and leave the room. Lately he has been calling out to us using every excuse in the book to get us to come back into the room. Typically he finds something that lures us back in usually having something to do with urinary wetness. On this particular night Brenda finished her ritual and was telling Joshua that she was not going to be coming back into the room and that he just needed to go to sleep and we would see him in the morning. She noticed that he was whispering something and so she listened little more closely. Each time that she was reiterate that she was not coming back in to his room, Joshua would whisper, "Yes you are" . Alittle creeped out by this she asked him what he was saying to her to see his reaction but he simply shook his head no signaling he had not said anything. The fashion with which he had said this creeped Brenda out a bit because it sounded eerily like the "I see dead people line from The Sixth Sense. Brenda left the room completely freaked out and told me what he had said and I laughed because I knew that he was simply showing his defiance. He knew that he would win. Sure enough at some point that night he lured us back into his room and his prediction came true.

I am amazed at defiance. Irregardless of the intended good that we have for him he simply wants to assert his will and win. How often do we take this same tone with God. God sees the good possibilities that can be the outcomes of periods in our lives if only we will listen to His leading. Unfortunately we often choose our own way and will and thwart the good that God desired. This creates a situation that we ask God to redeem due to our own poor choices and in His grace and mercy He often does. Perhaps I am simply reaping what I sowed at an early age or perhaps I am simply experiencing Joshua's terrible two's. All-in-all I am blessed to be his daddy. And because of this I now have a great new nick name for him--"Creepy". God bless.

Gutsy Faith

2006-08-23T13:32:00.000-05:00

I was given the opportunity to review the book Gutsy Faith by Jeff Edmondson. This book is published by Beacon Hill Press and is Edmondson's first attempt at adult Christian Inspirational/Spiritual formational writing.

The book begins by outlining several stories, stories that basically are meant to be the hook by which the book will catch you in order to reel you in. Real stories from real life that leave the players in the midst of a tragedy or moment of crisis in their spiritual journey. Having known a little about Jeff's life I was not surprised that he used his own experiences to highlight the main purpose of this work. Will circumstances dictate faith? Will problems cause us to have a lack of trust? What do we do when we are seemingly surrounded on all sides by trouble? These are the basic questions that we face as Christians when life brings troubles and these are the questions that Edmondson attempts to deal with.

The subtitle is Hard Conversations with God. The book focuses highly on the role of prayer in the life of the believer. His basic premise is that the majority of Christians fail to truly understand what it means to share genuine intimacy with God and therefore miss out on the fullness of experience that we can have by living out the Gutsy Faith that we are called to.

Edmondson begins each chapter by narratively retelling a passage of scripture illustrating for him what it means to have Gutsy Faith. Characters such as David, Samuel, and Elijah are used as exerpts from their lives are chosen to demonstrate elements of the gutsy life. We are reminded how prayer, scripture and meditation are all parts of our growth in grace. True intimacy with God means that we quiet our lives, spend time talking with God, meditating on his word and listening to His voice.

Edmondson has done a good job bringing to light some of the basics of spiritual formation. This book is an easy read and the stories pull you to each chapter. Although it was written to be used in a small group setting it is equally as good when used as quiet time reading. Although I do believe that the questions could have been a bit more challenging particularly in light of it preferred use as a small group curriculum. Otherwise I believe the book is well written and would make a good addition to any small group looking to deepen their understanding of spiritual formation.

The Tide Rolls On

2006-08-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

There are places we go, people we meet, and activities we involve ourselves in that leave indelible marks on our lives. We create memories through touch, taste, sight, sound and smell that stay with us and even possibly change us for life. Such was the time that I spent with my teens from July 22-Aug 1. We covered 6 states and approximately 3000 miles making our way to Grand Bay, Alabama and back. It was our privilege to aid in the reconstruction efforts in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina along the Alabama coast. The climate was hot and sticky, much different than we are used to living in the desert of the Oklahoma Panhandle, and rears were tired from 20 hours of travel. We arrived though on Sunday evening and relaxed a while before beginning our labors Monday morning. We quickly found out that regardless of what work we did the sweat was going to flow. The unforgiving heat of the Gulf Coast wouldn't allow us to find comfort, not even with a slight breeze, as long as we were exposed to outdoors. However, in spite of the heat we found comfort and peace in our work. We were a part of something much larger than our own wants. We were participating in something much more valuable and precious than our own lost sweat and energy. We were a part of restoring hope to the hopeless and in that we found our joy. Our team of 22 worked on one church and three homes that had either been impacted directly or indirectly by the flooding that occured in the wake of this tremendous storm. We witnessed lives, changed in an instant by the force of nature, being restored daily by the continuous work of hands they had never met. We met Amos and his wife, an elderly couple whose house had been gutted by waters that reached a depth of 4 feet in their living room. We took a break from our work and talked with him about life, disaster, tragedy and hope. Amos talked to us about all the kindness that had been shown he and his family and graciously thanked us for the work we were doing. Hope restored. Alabama and its residents live on determined to rebuild.

Something else happened for me on this trip that has impacted me and reminded me of the possibilities that exist all around us. Last night we had an evening to report to the church on our travels and work. I had prepared a movies from pictures and taken on the trip by several participants. I worked 3 hours preparing the video and putting it to music and thought nothing of it. However, as I listened to the testimonies of my teens and heard some of them say that their perspectives had been changed I glimpsed something I had not seen when I was preparing for this service. During the video I saw my kids, smiling and laughing and pouring themselves into work that did not directly effect them. Seeing them glue on cove base, screw up sheet rock, tape and mud, paint, and landscape I was moved to tears as I saw the kingdom being demonstrated in front of me. I was on the trip and I sweated alongside these kids doing the work we had gone to do but I found myself captivated by the moment as though I had never seen those images before or lived out those days with them. I was amazed at the possibility that I saw being used by God in those moments and the lives that I knew were being changed by the hope that these teenagers and adults brought. I was proud in that moment to say, "I am their pastor!"

Memories were made and lives were changed. I pray the insight gained will last a lifetime for these teens of mine. They arrived home on July 30th, but myself and one other teen who graciously stayed behind for companionship did not get home until Aug 1 due to a broken rear differential on the church suburban. I am grateful for the chance to have led this group and my common prayer is that life will never be the same for them or myself. May the journey continue to change us more into Christ's image. Grace and Peace.

The Art of Blog

2006-07-18T11:19:00.000-05:00

Since my last post two of my good friends have started blogs that I hope will become beneficial discussion for all who choose to enter in. The Shire and The Cosmopolis are the works of Jason and Che and I look forward to engaging in valuable conversation that could lead to intellectual, spiritual, and communal growth. Che brought up something interesting though that has gotten me to thinking about this act that I engage in on a weekly to semi-weekly basis. Is blogging a beneficial use of my time? Am I truly being a good steward of my time and resources by engaging in this practice that has become in some ways a lesson in articulating my own mind? Truthfully I do not know that I have a large readership of this blog but I do receive comments periodically about my musings and stories. I am not a professional writer by trade but it could be said that as a pastor who preaches weekly I am consistently writing to illicit a preferred response as I engage my listeners with the Gospel. It is not intentional coercion but I do always pray that as I prepare and write--as I work from a manuscript--that the way in which I articulate the message of the Kingdom is effective communication. This blog however is a sidebar for me. I do not regularly tell my parishioners about my site but occassionally it comes up. Therefore I cannot say that I am writing as an extension of my work. I do not solely right for the benefit of my family who lives many miles away. I cannot even say that I write as a means of some sort of higher calling to tell the world about my life. I suppose I write because I feel a desire to write. I enjoy the process of shaping a story and using words to paint a picture. Sometimes I feel that I craft something well and other times I feel I fall short. I enjoy using myself and those I love (my wife and sons) as the topics of my musings. They fill my life with so much to say that I could literally never tire of putting words to paper (or screen for that matter) as I relive each moment of my journey with them. Am I however, taking time that could be spent in other more worthwhile pursuits to fulfill some yearning of my own? I suppose I am. I am certain that there have been times that I have taken time that I should have been working more diligently on other projects to update this little site that possibly only a handful on individuals read. But I believe that there is more to the story than that. As I share my "common prayers", the everyday occurrences of my life with whomever would venture to read I feel that I am giving the grace that I have been blessed with to others who may wish to receive. The blessing that is my life is not full of all high points and immensely interesting plot twists but it is my blessing and I cherish and value it daily. Therefore I feel that I am periodically painting a little bit of the picture that is the grace that fills my life for anyone who longs to read. Therefore it is a bit of art. I am not going to romanticize my time spent in blogging but I believe that Che has a good point. Our time should be spent in endeavors that enhance our ability to spread the news of the Kingdom of God. Everything we do should be an extension of who we are in Christ and an opportunity to share that valued experience. This is more so the reason that I named my blog common prayers. I always want my daily life to be a prayer breathed to God in thanks for his grace poured out on my life. Thank you Che for making me think more critically about my time and the use of it. God bless.

I.D. Please

2006-07-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

Today I had a revelation of sorts. This is not the type of revelation that will rock the world or send future generations of reeling in terror with apocalyptic visions. No, this is just me coming to a harsh reality today that has caused me to wonder who I am now. I attended a funeral this morning. Although the service was not well done it was a joyful occasion for the family due the faith of the deceased. I paid my respects to the family and proceeded to walk to my car. Just as I reached the car I saw a line of children rounding the corner and I recognized several of them as being kids from my son's daycare. The older kids get to go on a hike each day and go to the grade school nearby and take part in the summer lunch program. So I stood and watched them walk by smiles wide and eyes full of happiness. Even their leader, Ms. Mia, was happy and smiling--not a fake "I wish I were home in bed" smile either. Suddenly one of the front kids spots me and with a wide toothy grin and voice cranked up to it's highest setting kind of call he yells out, "Hey it's Joshua's dad!" Suddenly there was a chorus of kids yelling wildly at me, "Hi Joshua's dad...Hi Joshua's Dad!" I waved back politely and said hi to them as well and slinked into my car uncertain about the chaos and confusion that circling in my head. My only thought as I drove away towards my wife's office was, "I am no longer John, or Pastor John, or even Mr. Prichard...I am now Joshua's dad and THAT IS IT!" I had just gone through and full identity change in 5 seconds. Now when I go through the airport and they ask me for I.D. I will only have to point to Joshua and say, "I am Joshua's dad." I suppose I will have to go the Oklahoma tag agency and have my license changed from John Prichard to Joshua's dad. My wife has little sympathy for me. She says that she has been John's wife for years now and I am just understanding what she goes through. She is right, I am not feeling the ripples of life transition that incorporates my entire identity and leaves me feeling different and even a little in awe. I suppose it is not too unlike the day my identity became defined by Christ. It was a day of joy, confusion and awe. A day that brought about an entire change of direction for me and reshaped me into someone new. Today I am someone new. Allow me to introduce myself--I am Joshua's dad and I am now on a holding pattern until I become Benjamin's dad as well. Grace and Peace.

Champion Sleeper

2006-07-06T14:53:00.000-05:00

Here is the situation...My oldest son sleeps in his own bed, much to the excitement of his parents. He has been doing this now for about 8 months. He does well and we do not worry much about him. We put him down at night around 9-9:30 by reading books, singing songs, prayer and then hugs and kisses. It is a very non-efficient ritual (as it changed just a bit nightly) but we enjoy it and it prepares him for sleep. We turn off the light and he goes to sleep and that is about the end of it. He is also potty trained for the most part. He has his occasional accident but most of his evacuations go into the toilet and we stand around all proud of him and have mini-parties each time he does it. The reason for this is simple--less poo on daddy's hands is always a reason to celebrate. Now, it is important to note for the sake of today's blog that he does still wear either a diaper or pull-up to bed. He also holds it well at night but again we know there is the occasional accident--comeon the kid is only 2 1/2! So here is the story. Last night Joshua was given about one cup too much juice. He received a cup after nursery at church unbeknownst to me I came home and gave him another cup and then just before we put him down my wife gave him a half cup. The only problem is that he did not go potty (that word really challenges my "manliness" everytime I say it) prior to bedtime. Now that is quite a substantial amount of liquid churning around inside my kids bladder. Somewhere around 3am my wife hears Joshua calling out. She goes to check on him to find that he is drenched. He has drained said bladder to such a degree that pee has traveled out of his diaper (once again I need to discuss the weight capacity limits of their product with the folks from White Cloud) and onto himself and all of his bedding. So upon finding out his bit of info Brenda brings him to bed with us. Now I recall Joshua being in bed with us. I recall waking up with him beside me. I do not recall her bringing him to bed nor do recall hearing him cry out about being wet or him tossing and turning and lying sideways on the bed. My wife complains about not sleeping well--I do not recall waking up. This is not due to the size of our bed as it is only a queen. The primary reason that I was able to withstand the onslaught that is sleeping in the same bed with Joshua (the chainsaw) is that I am a champion sleeper. I guess being a youth pastor has taught me how to sleep through anything. Thank you Lord for the ability to get sleep regardless. Please help my wife though to sleep well tonight. Grace and Peace.

When life throws you Poo...

2006-06-28T09:07:00.000-05:00

My family and I are in Charleston, West Virginia visiting my folks. I have to say that I am enjoying a much needed rest for the time. It is amazing how much you forget when you are gone for awhile though. I have not been home for 2 or 3 years. Yesterday my dad and I were out driving around and he had to tell me several turns to make to reach out destination. I am going to have to go out and explore a bit this week to get my bearings again. Our travel was remarkably good except for one minor mishap with my our infant Benjamin. There are two legs to our flight from Oklahoma City to Charleston. The first is from OKC to Houston (duration 58 mins) and then from Houston to Charleston (duration 3 hours). If there were ever a time to not have a problem it was on the 3 hour flight. However upon take off out of Houston my son began to have some gas issues. No problem though cause no one blames a baby when they have gas right? Well this gas was accompanied by some brown, grainy liquid which proceeded to flow freely from the leg of his diaper (I need to have a talk with the good people at White Cloud about their product) and into my lap. That's right, my son took a rather sizable dump on my lap at the beginning of a 3 hour flight. I immediately held him up in the air asking Brenda for help--rather frantically I might add. After having sat there stunned for just a few seconds (and honestly I do not blame her) she reached for the wet wipes and began to clean up the baby forgetting that I had a pool of fecal matter soaking into my shorts more and more with every second. Needless to say we got the baby cleaned up but I was a different matter. I am certain that I was the most offensive passenger on the flight and caused an overall air of displeasure with all those who were forced to sit near me. Benjamin then proceeded to fall asleep on me after calming down and slept for the remaining 90 minutes of the flight. Honestly I could not be too upset with him. Afterall, the majority of trip he had done outstanding and who among would not have wanted to get that out of them as well? I arrived in WV, tired, smelly and quite honestly glad to be home. I mmediately handed the baby to one of my parents and dreamed of the shower that I would soon be taking to relieve myself of the hideous smell that had now permeated the very pores of my body.

Inspite of it all I love my children desperately. Family is a cherished thing that we easily take for granted. Perhaps a little poo in the lap reminds us that even we are forced to take the not so pleasant moments of life as well as the fantastic ones. I gladly take them all and thank God for the grace that they pour (literally) into my life. My common prayer for today is that we each take time to cherish those whom we love most and willingly live in the fulness of life that we participate in together with gladness and joy. Grace and Peace

Changes and Apologies

2006-06-21T09:33:00.000-05:00

So, for the 2 or 3 of you who take the time to read my blog, thank you for reminding me that I have not posted since April. I am a sloth, I am worm, I am toad. There I have done my grovelling and now I feel vindicated. I do apologize though for taking so long to update the happenings of my journey. Life tends to slip by us all and suddenly you look back and see that two months have passed you by and do not really know where the time went or what happened as it was flying past.

Changes happen all around us. Life proceeds at its staggering pace and moves us into new areas and forces us to accept it. Benjamin is now almost 8 months old which means that I have now been blogging for the majority of his life. My first post dealt with the turmoil surrounding his auspicious entrance into this world and now I am including a picture of his entrance into the world of mobility. This pic is about 2 months old and he is now too mobile at times for our liking. As I have said, life takes us through many changes.

I celebrate with several friends of mine who have gone and are going through major changes that bring with them excitement, anxiousness, and even a little fear. Congratulations to JDunn and Jamie as they await a new addition to their family as well as Timmy and Danielle. You will all make great parents I have no doubt. I also think of Ben and Lori as they have moved to Seattle to begin a new journey at Mar Hill Seminary. I am certain God will bless your faithfulness as you prepare.

Life is exciting. Life is ever-changing. Life is God-given. I value each day that I live. I value my amazing family. My boys are growing up strong and healthy and my wife is most amazing woman I know. I am a blessed man. This is my common prayer for today. May you see the blessing of Life in all its fullness as you live in the midst of change. Grace and Peace.

Nuances of Life

2006-04-26T14:22:00.000-05:00

Nuances, subtleties, insignificant details---these are often the things that I miss when I live solely in my head. I am accustomed to living in this realm more than I am my heart. Typically I exist in a place in between the two and try to achieve the duality that comes from allowing both heart and head to inform me about life. However, right now, I am seeing life from the emotional side. It is as if the coin was flipped on me and has caused me to look at the little things. Now don't get me wrong, I am not begrudging my current state of being. I am not even bothered by the way that my heart is moving me right now. It is just simply not my normal state of existence. It is interesting though what you become aware of when you live in a way that is counter to your normal picture window view. Smells become more vibrant, colors more twisted and feelings more convoluted than normal. You see the wrinkle in a garment that you would not have noticed before, the laughter of your child takes on a more sacramental tone and the familiar scent of your wife now seems to be something more than the scent of home but takes on an aire of something not yet attained. Perhaps everything that I have said simply resides in my mind but I am more aware of the nuances of life than I have been for a while. I cannot say what circumstances have led to this place in my being but I have grown more aware of how all of these nuances have an emotive effect on me. I love each day of life I am blessed with. I love the life I continue to have with my wife and the life we have made for our boys. I know that with some other change in life I will move from this place of heart back a dwelling in the head and so for now I will just enjoy the rollercoaster and allow myself to live and learn what I will in this time. God may your grace come down and blanket me; caressing me with your presence. Teach me to feel as well as to think. Grace and peace.

Maundy Thursday Homily

2006-04-12T14:15:00.000-05:00

John 13.1-17, 31-35
I Corinthians 11.17-26

Greetings to you on this Maundy Thursday of Holy Week. Maundy Thursday draws its name from the Latin “Dies Mandatum” meaning “The day of the New Commandment”. Typically on this day of Holy week we focus on the Eucharist or The Lord’s Supper. It is on this day of Passover that Jesus sat with his disciples and took His last meal, a seder meal of roast lamb, apple sauce mixed with nuts, matzo (unleavened bread) and bitter herbs to symbolize the important elements of the miraculous Passover event. We see this revealed to us in Exodus 12 as God gives the instructions to Moses to tell the people to prepare for the coming plague of death he will level on their Egyptian slave masters.

Jesus sits with his disciples to partake in this most important meal. We see that Jesus adds to this meal and forever changes it for those who claim His name. The bread becomes His body that will be damaged, torn and broken for them. The wine will represent the new covenant that frees mankind from sin. Free to live for Him, love through Him and serve in His name.

Jesus demonstrates this for His disciples in our gospel text this afternoon. Jesus knowing the evil that Judas intended for Him knelt and washed the feet of those whom he loved. Peter’s pronouncement of, “No Lord. You will never wash my feet!” speaks to his misunderstanding of the love being demonstrated to him. It is this very same love that will be shown to mankind as Jesus asks “the Father” not to hold this sin against them as they do not know what and to whom they are doing this to during his crucifixion. Jesus answers Peter words with words of incorporation as he declares that only if you are washed by me can you be claimed by me. Peter then asks to be fully immersed in the washing of Jesus. As I am sure that most of us would have done as well.

This show of love for those whom he loved demonstrates to us the kind of people that we are called to be as Christians. The ethic that we are called to live our life by is that of love and kingdom incorporation. The Eucharistic table of which we ponder on this afternoon exudes grace prompted by love. We consume the body and blood of Jesus, allowing Him to embody us so to speak, enabling us to gracefully act in love towards the world and each other in the kingdom of God. We are able to love only because of the love demonstrated to us in the servant hood of Jesus toward those whom he loved.

Jesus tells his followers in verses 34-35 that love is the way with which they will be counted as His. The world will know they are one with him only if they show love toward each other. This is the very thing that the Apostle Paul battled some in the Corinthian church on. In the first letter to the Corinthians we see that they are mistreating the table and therefore misrepresenting Jesus love in the process. In chapter 11 Paul tells them that due to the divisions that exist among them they are not concerned with the grace of the Lord’s Table. Some eat to fill their bellies while some go without. Some drink until they are no longer able to think soberly while others are unable to share with them. The very table of love, forgiveness, and community has become one of gluttony and selfishness.

Corinth, being a hodge podge of religious thinking, affluence and culture, incorporated some pagan thinking into their belief system and worship practices. They were an intermingling of rich and poor that should have been a wonderful manifestation of the grace of God at work in a community of believers. Problems persisted though with these dividing walls and carried over to the sacrament that was to represent Jesus’ sacrifice for all. The grace was not afforded to all the believers equally and the loving sacrifice of Jesus was turned into a mockery.

The good news today is the promise of unity that Jesus gave to the disciples rolls over to us. The world will know that we are Christian by the manner in which we treat one another. The way that we approach the table of unity displays our love for one another as well. We are equally forgiven and bearers of the grace of God through the sacrifice of Jesus. Therefore we in unity come to the table to proclaim his suffering, death and glorious resurrection.

Our Holy Week services are meant to be a proclamation of this unity among the church. Although we do display at times some theological divisions on varying matters. We do all bare this unifying mark as believers—the atonement of Jesus Christ has freed us to live according the will of God. We confess that through Jesus Christ we are justified, as Paul says in Romans 5, and we now claim a new status as members of the kingdom of God. We confess also with Paul in Ephesians 4: one Lord, One Faith, and One Baptism. Through the gracious love of Jesus we also have one table. May we sit at this table together this Easter season and show the world that we are Christian by our love for one another.

Grace and Peace

If Everyone Cared

2006-04-04T15:35:00.000-05:00

I visited a woman that I have known for years today for the first time. Let me explain what I mean by this. We have a wonderful husband and wife team that cleans the church that I work at. They are hard working, dedicated and care about the church very much. It is a daily occurance for me to see this woman walk into my office, take out my trash, share some small talk and then walk out leaving me to my "busy" schedule. There have been many times that I have viewed her appearance at my door to remove my waste as an intrusion on my valuable study time. Truthfully though she is a wonderful woman who works hard, making a concerted effort to brighten the day of the occupant of each office she enters. I appreciate her greatly.

Her mother was moved from her room at the local rest home to the hospital the other day with a severe kidney infection. Needless to say she is very upset and distraught about the whole ordeal. I spoke with her momentarily at the church and then met with her again in the hospital room of her mother. It was there that I met her for the first time. There I saw a woman who has been married for years and has grown children and grandchildren crying over her mother who is very near 90. She had a certain sense of fear about losing her mother. I had never known her attachment to her mother was so strong and it moved me. I saw a side of her that I do not see as she moves through my office collecting the papers and such that I toss out and then moved on possibly not to be seen again by me the rest of the day. This hospital visit was about her so much more than her mother. It was my friend, the janitor, the one who takes care to remove the things I find unnecessary and bothersome whom I was there to spend time with. We prayed together and then I reminded her that she was loved and appreciated. She responded, "I guess someone has to be there to take out the trash." My heart immediately hurt for her as I prayed that she did not truly feel that was the sum totality of her worth. I spoke gently to her saying, "I hope you know that you are worth far more than that to us." With a thank you and down turned head she looked back at her mom.

I spent a few more moments speaking to her and then I left. Walking down the corridor of the hospital I began to think about the lack of compassion that I am certain I sometimes display. Now understand something, I always feel compassion towards others but it is my actions that demonstrate my compassion. How often do I fail to look up from my desk as she walks in disturbing my personal space and not even speak a solid word of gratitude for her commitment to our church? How often do I forget to fulfill the promises of prayers that I make to those who look to me with tear filled eyes just wanting someone to care enought to ask God's presence to be with them? How often have I been too busy to give someone a ride, spend some time of phone with a person who needs companionship because my son is crying about God know's what this time, or refused kind words and gestures to those who most desperately need to feel God's love?

It is easy for me to lock myself up in my office and work deligently on sermons, research or just studying or reading for enjoyment and never engage another soul. Unfortunately for me this is not my calling. My calling is to engage others with the love of the living God and care deeply about their lives. The group Nickelback has a song entitled "If Everyone Cared" that impacted me recently when I heard it. It is a love song but does have a positive social message. The Chorus reads, "If everyone cared and nobody cried,If everyone loved and nobody lied,If everyone shared and swallowed their pride,We'd see the day, when nobody died." I pray that my heart will be broken by the injustice, lonliness and isolation that others feel. I pray that I will love extravagantly as God does and i pray that I will always demonstrate the compassion of God with my life. There are too many people hurting for me not to care. Afterall, if I am to be called Christian then my service is to others. My friend Ben Felder said it well when he said, " We need to take on the sacrificial spirit of Jesus and live our lives in love of others. I think this is what makes living a Holy life so important. Holiness does not always mean abstaining from sin. It means going a step or two further and imitating God." Grace and Peace.

Bracket Madness

2006-03-20T10:25:00.000-06:00

Well I believe that I am experiencing bracket madness. Truthfully I am really experiencing bracket frustration but it is manifesting itself in madness. I find myself mumbling incoherently about wins and loses and trying to find logic in the illogical. It is impossible and I know it. Really all I want is to find some sense of sanity in this insane segment of my life. March Madness is supposed to make some sense but this year there seems to be this indescribable blur of activity and upsets that I cannot seem to comprehend. I reckon it all boils down to the loss my beloved jayhawks experienced at the hands of a no fame school--Bradley-- from a no fame conference--Missouri Valley--effectively bumping them from the tourney in the first round and sending my bracket to the trash on the first day. How am I to rebound--forgive the basketball vernacular--from such a terribly gut wrenching experience and find the strength to get out of bed for the rest of March? Well it is not all that bad but--Holy Crap--let's face it...BRADLEY!!!! Ok, I am glad that I got that little temper tandrum out of my system. Now I can try and enjoy the mystery that March Madness is to me. I love mystery and that is why I am so in love with Christ and His Church. Living in the mystery of this sacramental existence is such a blessed way to experience life. Well I am done for now. Grace and Peace.

March Madness Baby!!!

2006-03-13T09:59:00.000-06:00

I love March!!! Picking the men's college basketball champ before the tourney starts and then watching all the heartbreak and excitement that follows is simply awesome. As you can see I am a KU fan and as always I am pulling for the boys--Rock Chalk Jayhawk!! Each of the teams that are involved in the tourney have been working hard to get to this place in their lives. They practice day and night and have coaches that push them to be the absolute best that they can be. Each player works hard to hone their craft every one of them dreaming day in and day out about cutting down those hallowed nets. Dreams are a powerful thing. They can push us to be our best because most of us are willing to work hard so that our dreams can be realized. Whether they are dreams about our careers, families, possessions or whatnot they have the power to drive us to work harder than perhaps we would otherwise. I do not want to romanticize, trivialize or even over spiritualize this point because this post is primarily about my love of March madness but now that I think about it I can see a spiritually significant point here that needs to be made. **Side bar: For those of you who do not know, I write on the fly and really do not think much about it until my fingers hit the keys so there are times that I switch my thoughts in midpost--sidebar over** I pray that each of us has dreams for the world. I challenged my youth group leaders back in january to dream big dreams this year for the group I pastor. I told them to dream dreams that only God could accomplish and then to be willing to pray the prayer of commitment to be used by God to see them accomplished. Dreams are the substance of life because they are composed of one key component--HOPE. Each of these teams has hope that they will be able to play with inspired skill and be victorious in the end. It is this hope that drives them. We as christians also have a hope that drives us. It is the hope that this world has been redeemed through the atonement of Christ and that we can make a difference through the power of the Holy Spirit. In christ there is hope for this world. Have fun watching March madness beginning in 3 days. Take time to fill out your brackets and dream big dreams for your favorite team. Grace and Peace.

Ashes to Ashes

2006-03-01T11:15:00.000-06:00

Today is Ash Wednesay or more traditionally known as the "Day of Ashes". Today there will literally be millions of Christians all over the world receiving the sign of the cross in ash on their foreheads. This is a sign of penance, reflection and confession. We recognize that our hope is found only in the atoning work of Jesus Christ on our behalf and our own mortality. We hear the words , "Remember that from ashes you came and to ashes you will return. May these ashes be a sign of your penance and a symbol of your mortality." To children we say, "this is the good news that you belong to Jesus now and always." Tonight as we have for the last 3 years we will have our Ash Wednesday service. We have burnt the palm branches from the previous Palm Sunday and we will mix them with olive oil and essence. We will speak a message of repentance and hope to those present and call them to receive the sign of the cross. No one is forced but all are invited. They come forward and I with my pastoral colleagues are given the privilege of marking them with the eternal and deeply significant sign of the cross. We remind them that by accepting this mark they are recognizing their deep need for God's forgiveness and making their confession to Him. I love this service. I am indebted to the church for making me aware of my need for a savior. I am also indebted to those who have preserved the church before me and whose shoulders I now stand on as I too carry on the traditions that link us. Too often we cast away the inspired liturgies that have been a part of the yearly worship of so many of the faithful for centuries because we view them as archaic or fail to truly understand the significance they have for us. We in the protestant world often cast off practices that may smack of Catholicism too much for our liking and in turn miss opportunities to join with brothers and sisters of the faith, who with us compose the One, Holy, catholic, and apostalic church, in deeply spiritual movements of grace. I sense the power of the moment when my pastoral brother marks my forehead and reminds me of my mortality and need for continual confession to and mercy from God. As I spend the next 40 days of Lent in reflection, sacrifice and preparation for Easter celebration I will look back at Ash Wednesday and remember the cross that marks my life. I am changed and transformed because of Christ and his atonement for me. I am made new by my willingness to be in relationship with God and therefore daily I choose to live in submission and sacrifice to His will for me. His good choices on my behalf demonstrate His holiness to me and remind me why I live as I do--so I might be continually formed in His holy image. This day is significant for me. I pray it is also for you. Grace and Peace.

I want night night

2006-02-21T15:57:00.000-06:00

"I want night night!" This is Joshua's phrase for time to go to sleep. I like this picture of him because he looks rather peaceful in my chair as he is ready for a nap. This is how I feel. I am tired. I am tired from being a parent. I am tired from being a pastor. I am tired from being a husband but I am not tired of being any of these things. I love my wife so very much and I love to give her all the time she needs. There are days she requires more and I cannot tell her no. I love my boys. They fill my days (good and bad) with so much activity and it really can wear a guy out. Unfortunately they also fill my nights often with cries and sleeplessness. I love being a pastor and proclaiming God's love, peace and grace to the church I am privileged to serve. But people ask a lot of you and teens are no exception. I am tired. I need a nap. However I am glad that my life is full of so many worthwhile things. I cannot imagine having all the energy in the world and noone to give it to but me. This post is not a complaint, just more a statement of being. I want night night for a couple days. Perhaps one day I will get that but I am certain it will not be until the boys are in college. Oh sweet bliss of higher education come to me! For now I will simply say thank you God for life to give and ones I love to give it to. Grace and Peace.

Valentines and Watched Pots

2006-02-15T09:30:00.000-06:00

As many of you are fully aware, yesterday was Valentine's day. A wonderful day of love, candy hearts with romantic words, chocolate, and overpriced flowers. Not withstanding the legends of St. Valentine that are a bit murky, we do recognize that this day is based on love. Perhaps it would better be described as being in love with the idea of love. We men break our necks so that the women in our lives will realize that we love them. We act in ways that may or may not be indicative of the way we act the other 364 days of the year. I try to make sure that my wife knows daily in some way that I love her desperately and therefore do not have to do the proverbial song and dance to demonstrate my undying love for her. However, I still partake in the sappiness of the day and try to come up with some way to show my wife that I have put some time and thought into this commercialized day. Last year I set up this romantic dinner and such at the business of one of our church members. I do have to say that she was quite surprised and impressed. I was very pleased with myself. I did create a problem though...I set the bar pretty high for this year and I am not sure that I could live up to it. So I began to think a month or so ago about what I could do to make sure that my wife once again could go another year believing in my love (sarcasm intended). I am sure that many of you have heard of the "lobstergram" that is advertised on the radio--of course you would probably have to listen to talk radio to hear it--and have thought like me that getting crustaceans in the mail would be an amazing fete of postal prowess. But I checked the price out and it fell just beyond my financial capacity. So I began to plot with a couple of men in my church to go in together and get our own lobsters and such so that we could do a joint lobster dinner for the women we love and therefore share in the cost and benefits equally. So Evan Abla stopped in Wichita on his way back from KC and picked up 6 live lobsters and 2 pounds of shrimp. Scott worked on the veggies and such and I got the house ready and prepared to cook the hardshelled delights with Evan at the church. I picked up Brenda from work, we got the boys from daycare and then went to vote on the schoolboard election that involved our senior pastor. Then I dropped Bren and boys off at our pastor's house and I joined Evan at the church to begin the boiling process. Evan put the water and boil spices on at 5:15 to begin boiling and at 6:30, when we should have joined everyone else at my house to eat, we were still waiting for the water to boil. I suppose a watched pot really does not boil. By this time we are getting quite irritated and feeling a bit impotent in the kitchen (since we cannot even get water to boil) but we are undaunted and keep pushing on. After some finagling of the pots of water(which entailed removing some water and increasing the number of pots from 2 to 3 so as to spread the water out a bit) we reached boiling and dropped those bad boys in to begin their 8 minute journey of perfection. We boiled the lobsters and the shrimp and were back at the house only 45 minutes after what was to be the official start time of our Valentines celebration. We got to the house where Scott had been entertaining the ladies and doing quite a good job I might add since they were at least laughing and not completely angry. All was forgiven though when we revealed to the ladies what was the main course of the evening. Nothing says "I'm Sorry for being late to our valentines dinner" like steaming lobsters and shrimp with drawn butter. Dinner was great and everyone enjoyed the scrumptious meal from the sea. Inspite of the pots that would not boil, we had a great evening spending time together eating lobster. I love my wife more and more everyday. She is the most amazing woman I know and I am so blessed to still have her in my life. God bless

The Boys @ Horn Creek

2006-02-07T11:23:00.000-06:00

Joshua and Benjamin
Benjamin has a great smile!

Joshua went tubing for the first time!

"Rocky Mountain High"

2006-02-06T14:46:00.000-06:00

I spent the weekend with Brenda and the boys as well as several members of our church at a beautiful Rocky Mountain retreat called Horn Creek in Colorado. At nearly 10,000 ft it was difficult breathing and excess activity was hampered. However it did not stop us from playing basketball, racquetball, and rock climbing--I am certain I must have sounded at times like a chain smoker. The weekend was an overall enjoyable time but there were a few hangups. Joshua is a creature of habit and thrives best when his structure is unaltered. Needless to say this weekend was a bit of a departure from his normal day and it caused some problems with his sleep patterns. It would probably be more accurate to say that it cancelled his sleep patterns for Friday night and replaced them with a new program. This new program called for bedtime to be moved from 8:00 pm central time to 2:00 am central time. This new bedtime did not figure into mom and dad's plans for the night and meant a restless night for us all. After about 2 1/2 to 3 hours of sleep we ate breakfast while Joshua slept off his night of defiant torment of his loving parents. He slept for another 3 hours or so and then woke ready to conquer the day. He did pretty well inspite of his short night as did his mother and I. Through all of this Benjamin did well and seemed to sleep much better in the higher altitudes--lack of O2 will do that for you. Joshua slept much better Saturday night and thankfully we all got an adequate nights sleep, although a good night's sleep would have been preferable. After a long 6 hour drive home we wound down our night playing, watching the Super Bowl and then fought with Joshua to go to bed which was easier said then done since he slept 4 hours of the trip home.
This is a retreat that our church has been putting on for 30 some odd years. It was nice spending this time with members of my community of faith. Brenda and I, although frustrated and sleep deprived, enjoyed playing and worshipping with our brothers and sisters. We appreciated how others spent time with Joshua and Benjamin and truly gave us opportunity to have some rest and quiet time together. We are continually blessed to be a part of such loving people. All in all it was a good retreat but I do still agree with Jim Carey's assessment from Dumb and Dumber, "That John Denver's full of crap."

Lean on Me

2006-02-01T09:43:00.000-06:00

I got a call from my best friend (other than my wife of course) yesterday. Sometimes a call from your best friend is not a pleasant surprise. His dad has a brain tumor the size of a tennis ball and needs some pretty radical surgery. There have been many physical problems that have occured with his dad because of this issue. It is difficult to deal with because I love his dad. He is one of those guys that just makes you laugh and may not even mean to. Needless to say he needs a good deal of prayer.

The real theme though of my common prayer today is that of my relationship with my best friend. He and I spent a great deal of time together when I still lived in the wonderful state of West Virginia. He has taken his vacations to visit me more than once since I have been away. He was the best man in my wedding and has always been a constant source of security and acceptance for me. His call had a certain sense of desperation in it. When I asked him what I could do for him he said, "Just pray." I appreciate his faith in me to go to the Father on his dad's behalf. I asked him though what I could do for HIM. He said nothing so I told him I would call him every day to check up on him. That is a stretch as we usually talk about once a month on average. He is quite close to his dad and needs to be reminded, I believe, daily that he is being prayed for and supported. I wish I could be there if for nothing more than to sit across from him and smile. The familiar face of a friend can do so much--even mine.

How good are we at supporting each other in the church? I mean really support each other. Not the type of lip service that we give every Sunday when some tells us about a problem they are having and we say, "I will pray for you", only to forget until we see them the following Sunday when we once again go through the same word play. I mean the type of support that literally holds up the other. The beauty of the church as Jesus intended it is that it acts as a communal structure to strengthen the individual by adding to their strength that of their brother and sister. This multiplication means that burdens and joys alike are shared co-equally and life is lived out completely enveloped in the community. Truthfully, how often do we take time to carry one another's burdens and support the other when their strength is failing? If we allow one to fall we are all weaker for it. Our interdependence on each other should drive us to care for each member of the community with fervor and zeal. I gladly take on the responsibility to call my brother everyday and help him to carry his burden. If need be I will gladly hop on a plane to fly home and hold him up when his strength fails. It is a challenge to live this way. It means we take each life personally as our own and care for our neighbor as we do our own needs. Jesus never said community was easy, it is simply the ethic of the Kingdom. Grace and Peace.

Haircuts and Hugs

2006-01-25T15:05:00.000-06:00

"Butter the Bread not your hand son"

I love my son Joshua. To begin any piece with a disclaimer of love indicates that there is certainly a test of that love to follow. This is no different. Joshua needed a haircut--that is an understatement. There is a reason we waited until he was a ministure version of Fabio to take him to the barber--he has a mild distaste for the act of haircutting. So with our courage girded up and our wits at full levels we ventured into Mike's Style Shop. Mike is a good guy who did not deserve the chaos that ensued. Joshua was all for the idea of haircutting this day until he found out it was not daddy getting a cut but him. Let the kicking and screaming commence. After multiple headbutts, kicks, loudly yelled "NO's" in my ear and eating a few locks of hair I let him down with his new cut. He is a cute kid. My courage had faded into a blur of frustration and my wits were near depleted. We then ventured home covered in the remnants of the battle.

He became a new kid once we arrived at the safety of home and we had the opportunity to distract him with dinner preparation. He likes to set the table--quite a fete for a 2 year old--and help in the kitchen to whatever level we will allow him. The problem presents itself when we do not allow him to do some particular part of preparation that his little 2 year old coordination is not ready for. He then throws a fit and anything that he might have in his hands. So dad then takes him to his room and we sit until he is ready to cooperate. After a moment of calm I ask him if he is ready to join us at the table. He responds with a defiant no and so I proceed for the door. A quick reversal of thinking then occurs and he joins us at the table and we enjoy our Chicken alfredo.

Now he also likes to brush his teeth which is a great habit to be in but brushin his teeth to him means eating the children's toothpaste that he uses. The brush did not figure into the equation this evening. He wisely gets a chair to stand on at the sink which turns out to not be wise as it is not the most stable chair to be standing on. He falls and bumps his head and I in turn comfort him and try to calm him down so that I can explain to him the benefits of the stool that is in the bathroom already verses the chair he chose to stand on. He wanted only to yell and ignore my attempts to speak to him. So I once again take him in his room and we sit until he calms down enough to listen rather than demand his way. I am then able to show him why he fell and a better option. I then let him down and ask for hug. My son gives good hugs. It feels good to have him wrap his arms around my neck affirming that he loves his daddy. Being a daddy is hard. Harder than I could have imagined. But to go from haircuts to hugs is rewarding enough to make me see the joy in spite of the pain. Lord help me be a good parent in spite of myself. Grace and Peace.

Annual Report

2006-01-16T10:06:00.000-06:00

Last night I gave my annual report to the church. I have now been in Guymon for 4 years. It is hard to believe that I have been in one place this long in a youth ministry role. It has been rewarding and educational and I am proud to say that I have given this much of my life to one local community of faith.

I always wanted to be one of the youth pastors that stayed longer than 18 months as has been a disturbing trend in professional youth ministry. Unfortunately moves happen, particularly in our church, due to the greener pastures of a larger church or more lucrative salary package. There are things that exist as a part of our polity that make moves necessary sometimes. However I have been witness too often to colleagues of mine who leave a community of faith for all the wrong reasons and end up harming those they have been entrusted to shepherd.

I was pleased to share my 4th report with my church and to thank individuals by name for their role in my family's life. To take time to know and be known by a people requires real vulnerability. Christian community takes time to build. It involves a commitment of time, energy and self. To continually live in this community also requires an intentional pouring out of oneself to the purpose of knowing and being known. This mimics our life in Christ. To grow relationally with God we continually strive to know God and be known by God. Just as God lives in community in His trinitarian nature, we too need Christian community to truly understand what it means to be Christian.

I am blessed to have been a part of Guymon Nazarene for 4 years. May God continue to bless this wonderful community of faith now and after He has led me elsewhere.

Oh, by the way, I am also blessed to have had a couple of responses to one of my entries from the Rev Pat Robertson. What a thrill it is for me to know that the "Christian (far) right" has scanned the net and found my little blog to respond to. Although I am not a fan of yours I am glad to see that you have taken time to reach out to the little guy. Keep it comin Pat. Also learn to spell.

Bachelor musings

2006-01-11T10:45:00.000-06:00

Two kids tend to make the nights a bit hectic. It was difficult enought to get Joshua to bed (even though he is only two) but now we have added Benjamin who dislikes the prostrate position as much as Joshua did at this age. So we end up spending most of the time passing him back and forth until we get our little 2 month bundle of joy off to dreamland. However, there are some little pleasures that we enjoy together albeit one of us more than the other. I love to watch tv. Some might say (including my wife) a bit too much. I am into the History channel, discovery channel, TLC, ESPN, ESPN 2, National Geographic, etc...I am a tv geek who loves to watch the "learn fascinating tid-bits about history that has no relevance in daily life" stuff. Brenda though has one real tv love outside of her afternoon soaps which she does not get to watch--The Bachelor. That's right, she likes to watch this morally depraved romp through the lives of one man and 25 women. In case you do not know about this show, one man is given the opportunity to date 25 willing women while whittling them down to the final "one" whom he has he option to ask to marry him. It is humorous I will admit to watch these women fall all over themselves over one guy in hopes that they will be the lucky one picked when all is said and done. Don't worry though about the ladies. There has been a spinoff over the last several years called the Bachelorette which gives one woman the opportunity to do the same to 25 men. All in all it seems quite fair.
What I want to focus on though is the public meltdown that one woman had on air due to not being picked as one of the 12 that got to go on to win the Bachelor's heart. Quite honestly this poor woman was in a state of full blown denial. When she had the chance to spend time with him on this first evening she immediately says to him that she is in the reproduction phase of her life. His eyes told the story that he did not embellish on--he was instantly turned off. During one of her voice over moments that each woman has at one point or another during the show she went so far as to say that she was wanting to begin her mothering days because, and I quote, "my eggs are rotting". Now let's just come to an understanding, if my wife would have started off our first date with this same revelation I would probably have gotten a bit nervous as well. I suppose that she is considering her age of 33 to be getting too old to wait much longer. When she was not picked she then went back to him demanding that he tell her why she was not picked. His response was less than satisfactory when he revealed his lack of desire to reproduce at that point with her. Her comment is what shocked me. She said to him in a nutshell that there was no other reason to get married other than for reproduction. I immediately was repelled by this statement as I can find any number reasons why marriage is much, much more than simply a union built for procreation. In her mind she had encountered just one more man that was intimidate by a professional woman (she is an oncologist and he in an ER Physician) who knew what she wanted. All in all it was a humorous affair in that she now hurt her chances to ever find a "mate" with her little outburst on national tv. I have blogged my feelings and theology on marriage already with my first post. I pray that one day this woman finds a deeper sense and understanding of covenant than she currently holds and is able to find happiness in another. Children or no marriage is a gift. Perhaps she will come to understand that one day--hopefully before her eggs have reached their USDA expiration date. Grace and Peace.

Give me back my body...

2006-01-03T15:05:00.000-06:00

The new year has not been kind to us as of yet. Joshua was the first to succomb to the invasion. He came home early from daycare last week with a temperature near 103. This makes for a terrible day as Brenda and I were on our way home from the wonderful west Texas town of Amarillo after having purchased a mattress for his new toddler bed. We have a friend pick him up until we can get there and lo and behold, our child has RSV. For those of you who know this wonderful little viral friend you realize how pathetically helpless you feel as your child is working his way through it. Breathing treatments and oral steroids become the order of the day. Now all this time we have removed Benjamin from the house in an effort to keep the dreaded invader from his little body and allowed him to have a slumber party at our senior pastor's house. Unfortunately, Joshua's love of his little brother was our undoing as he was in Benjamin's face a little too much before is exit from the home. So now we have two sick boys and to make it all worse, I come down with some unknown invader as well. It has taken up residence in my head and refuses to stop talking to me. My ears hurt, my sinuses hurt, and now I legitimately have an excuse when I tell my wife I did not hear what she said to me. However, I would trade this for a moment or two of uncompromised peace. So today I broke down and went to the doctor myself after a week of denying my need. I got a wonderful shot in the butt from a female parishoner of my church ( I am not sure how I will look at her on Sunday) who is a nurse in our doctor's office as well as about $70.00 in presciptions--I think I should have taken my chances with the virus. To make matters worse, my Irish lost to the most hated college team of all and only helped to aggravate my pain even further. All in all it has not been an auspicious beginning to my New Year. However, I am undaunted and still believe that it will be a good year full of God's grace and mercy. May God bless each of you as you begin this new year.

Out of Focus

2005-12-28T15:26:00.000-06:00

Well today marks third day that i have been without my glasses. I broke them on friday and was able to repair them but on Monday morning I put the whammy on them for good as I carelessly wrestled with Joshua. Life has been just a bit out of focus for me since. Thank you God that I have not suffered from any major headaches thanks to all this. Tomorrow I should be gladly returned to the land of the 20/20 seers.
This makes me think though of what life must be like for those who really do not get what it means to be christian. Oh we see and hear so many would be christians roaming the earth shouting at all who would give them ear how they are all going to hell in a hand basket so-to-speak. The only problem is that too often they focus their attentions on exterior and quite honestly trivial things to place their judgement on others. I am amazed at how easily "christians" will stab each other in the spiritual back in an act of holy love so as to appease their sense of moral justice.
I sat with a man, someone who has become a good friend of mine in recent weeks, discussing this very issue. He is new to the Christian journey and essentially knows only that he loves Jesus. His spiritual sensibilities have not been finely tuned as it were. While we were talking he thanked me for never placing spiritual judgement upon him and expressed concern over ministers and such that badger believers along rather than shepherding them. I was able to speak with him about the ethic of Christian responsibility and freedom that we have in Christ. He needed to hear about the grace of Christ much more than he needed to hear about the "unchristian" state that some aspects of his life may exude.
This places a heavy responsibility on our shoulders. As followers of Christ we are called to share this life with others. We are called to proclaim the freedom that exists because Jesus has come. Too often we proclaim only the list of "unacceptable" activities that we believe should not show their fruit in the life of one who is immersed in journey. How many potential disciples do we turn away because of this out of focus message? I pray that I always proclaim freedom from oppression and freedom to live victoriously as a part of the Kingdom.

2005-12-23T15:56:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to add a few pics of Joshua since I just wrote a post about Benjamin. I am blessed with two great boys and an incredible wife. Joshua is very curious and always wants to try everything for himself. He loves animals and unfortunately, Barney. I am working on the Barney situation.

A Day With The Other Boy!

2005-12-23T13:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I spent the day with Benjamin (the other boy), Evan and Julia in Amarillo, TX. Now I am not necessarily a fan of Amarillo, TX but it is necessary sometimes to get the things that unfortunately we are unable to procure here in Guymon. So we left at 8:30am and drove down to spend the day finishing some Christmas shopping and to just take the opportunity to get out of Dodge for the day. Benjamin did wonderful and slept the entire 2 hours down as well as through most of Sams which began our shopping day.
We then went to Bennigans and ate lunch and I have to say that until I became a parent I never realized the way that many restaurants neglect to upgrade their facilities to be parent friendly. I picked up my son and his diaper changing supplies and headed towards the men's bathroom. After finding out that there was no changing station and seeing the situation that the sink was in (not sanitary or large enough) I then went back to our booth and changed my son's soiled diaper right there in front of all the business class patrons who were currently eating. I suppose if it infinged on the sensibilities of anyone there they chose not to mention it. But he was pretty good through the whole process and must have thought it was funny at times as I got a few smiles.
After visiting several others stores we decided to head home. We stopped at a Toot -n- Totum Conoco station to fill up and hopefully get a drink for the road. I love the small pleasures of life that just make the journey sweeter. I am a fan of Icee drinks as is Evan. I walked inside hoping to find an Icee machine to satisfy my craving. Not only did I find one but I found 4 with a total of 8 flavors. My eyes lit up and I am sure that I had the look of Christmas morning on my face. I grabbed a cup after telling Evan about the gold mine that awaited us and made myself a large coke and white cherry Icee. From Amarillo to Stratford, TX (about 1 hr and 15 mins) I was filled with a sense of overwhelming glee at the frosty beverage I held in my hands. Life's little pleasures affect me in that way.
Benjamin slept all the way home and was quite the Christmas shopping trooper. It is not hard to find new reasons to like my son. All in all I had a good day with the other boy. The best part about trips like these is the homecoming. Not only did I get to spend all day with my little boy I also got a warm and laugh-filled welcome from my big boy Joshua. Being a dad is great. God bless.

New Kid on the Block

2005-12-20T14:01:00.000-06:00

Here's to my first post. I suppose the first post is always the most difficult. So much to say and yet no need to say it all at once. First of all I am blessed to be the proud father of two little boys, Joshua (2 years old) pictured with his momma and I and Benjamin as he looked in the hospital. Benjamin was born early on the morning of October 25th. He was a perfectly healthy baby boy of 7lbs 4oz. However, Brenda experienced some rather severe complications due to a placenta accreta resulting in excessive bleeding and the need for an emergency hysterectomy. October 25th is one of those days that is burned into your consciousness because of an extreme event. I experienced the joy of new life and the pain of near loss. Requiring over 8 units of blood and blood products, as well as a life-saving procedure, I very nearly lost my wife. God's providence is very real to me as prayer was the tool that saved my wife's life. That is evident even to the doctors who worked feverishly to save her and even they proclaimed God's hand in her remarkable recovery.

This brings me to the subject of this installment of common prayers. This was obviously not a day of common prayers as I am usually not accustomed praying for my wife's life to be spared. However, I was brought face-to-face with the possibility of losing the one person in life I never want to be without. Due to my theological beliefs regarding the extent to which husband and wife are joined in marriage, I was crippled with the reality that should she die I would lose a piece of my identity. As I joined my life to hers we formed one life, one person, one flesh. To have lost her would have been for me to lose a part of my personhood. I know that my identity as it is defined in Christ would have remained but in a real and mystical way I would have been left torn, halved, and incomplete. Thanks be to God though I do not have to visit this place of uncertainty and loss.

It does bring me to the question though, why do so many couples find it necessary to end such an amazing union for often times trivial reasons? It is often easy to take your partner for granted and not show them the love and affection and is needed to enable a marriage to have the sustained mutual respect and trust necessary for healthy growth. Seeing my wife lay in ICU and being told we are not sure if she will make it is a mind numbing experience that can and should suck the life from you. When a person's life has that level of impact on you is not imperative that you would do all that you can to demonstrate how much that person means to you on a daily basis. I can see how the day-to-day needs of caring for two children can sap you of all energy that you may relegate to the upkeep of your love life. The issue though is not one of sex but one of affection. How do we keep our marriages strong? Mutual affection. There are many ways to experience affection outside of sex. The object is to find those methods that show affection most effectively to our companions. A little praise and affirmation can go a long way.

All of this has been to say, I appreciate my wife so much these days. I thank her regularly for sticking around to raise our boys with me and most importantly to grow old with me. I am a blessed man and to that I say once again, Thanks be to God!