Nuances, subtleties, insignificant details---these are often the things that I miss when I live solely in my head. I am accustomed to living in this realm more than I am my heart. Typically I exist in a place in between the two and try to achieve the duality that comes from allowing both heart and head to inform me about life. However, right now, I am seeing life from the emotional side. It is as if the coin was flipped on me and has caused me to look at the little things. Now don't get me wrong, I am not begrudging my current state of being. I am not even bothered by the way that my heart is moving me right now. It is just simply not my normal state of existence. It is interesting though what you become aware of when you live in a way that is counter to your normal picture window view. Smells become more vibrant, colors more twisted and feelings more convoluted than normal. You see the wrinkle in a garment that you would not have noticed before, the laughter of your child takes on a more sacramental tone and the familiar scent of your wife now seems to be something more than the scent of home but takes on an aire of something not yet attained. Perhaps everything that I have said simply resides in my mind but I am more aware of the nuances of life than I have been for a while. I cannot say what circumstances have led to this place in my being but I have grown more aware of how all of these nuances have an emotive effect on me. I love each day of life I am blessed with. I love the life I continue to have with my wife and the life we have made for our boys. I know that with some other change in life I will move from this place of heart back a dwelling in the head and so for now I will just enjoy the rollercoaster and allow myself to live and learn what I will in this time. God may your grace come down and blanket me; caressing me with your presence. Teach me to feel as well as to think. Grace and peace.
6 comments:
To speak of your wife as "something not yet attained" seems to imply she is property or at the least something in which to be conquered. I am sure this was not your intention, but it certainly reflects an ideology of patriarchal dominance. Just a thought.
I disagree with the above comment. I think your writing is beautiful. I'm sure your wife thinks nothing of it, and is pleased in the way you include her in your blogs.
Thank you for the comments anonymous #1. I believe the message that you are getting is a little bit read into and contrived. As I speak in relational terms there are always moments of attainment that speak of a state of being rather than a property possessed. The "newness" that I alluded to speaks more to the freshness of a scent that I sometimes overlook rather than something I have conquered. It reminds me to look for the subtleties. Thanks again for your comment.
John ... I'm telling your wife that you think she has body odor!!!
where are you John? Your last post was in April! It's June now.
Still nothin'
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